After posting about my stress… I thought I should be a bit more positive with my next post.

Kyle put it very elegantly, and made a point that I’ve heard 100 times before… but for some reason, when he said it, it felt different!

“Every penny we put into this house, we’ll get back”

Amen, husband!

Not only will we (hopefully) get our money back (and then some!) when we sell, in the meantime we’ll also get paid in our own personal enjoyment of the updates we do.

It may sting a little sending the money out the door right now. But we’ll be so glad we did every single day after each project is completed.

Let’s be real… face-to-face, I’ll talk to you about anything, whether you ask me to divulge, or not. But I try not to share too much about money publicly. Meaning that Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and this blog, are rarely filled with any details about our finances.

This post isn’t really about our finances, it is more about my struggle to feel comfortable making so many big financial decisions at the same time.

We’ve got a lot of expensive things going on. And as the person in charge of our finances, I see on paper that (with financing) we can afford to do these things. But buying things (albeit things we need) with “fake money” feels a bit… wrong. And looking at a future of paying off debts feels overwhelming.

I guess you could say that I’m scared that things are going to go wrong on my watch. What if one of us loses their job? Or what if we can never save up enough money to cover 3 months maternity leave and I never get to have a baby? Or what if one of us gets really sick (bye bye income, hello medical bills)? Or what if we take on so many monthly payments that we can’t go out and have fun? Or worse, what if we can’t buy groceries?

I feel under-qualified for being an adult – like I haven’t had enough training to be allowed to make all of these big decisions. Someone made a mistake handing me the reins. Surely, I can’t be the only one who feels that way when faced with so many life-changing decisions?

I am going to give the phrase “worshiping the porcelain God” a new meaning today. It no longer means that I am on my knees, ill, in front of the toilet.

No, now it means that I love real toilets more than anything. Any real toilet, anywhere, as long as it is inside, and flushes, is now considered a deity worth worshiping.

Example: I used to hate the bathroom at work. There are 4 stalls (no privacy!), the toilet paper is “threaded” the wrong way (under, instead of over!), the third stall contains a leaky toilet, the second stall contains a toilet that never flushes properly, and the first stall is obviously used the most frequently because it is dirty and rarely has toilet paper. The 4th stall is the Accessible Stall, and because there is a clinic in our building where people with broken bones go for care (hello, wheelchairs!), I never want to be the jerk to take that stall when I’m clearly not wheelchair-bound.

Additionally… the faucets either get stuck on or don’t stay on long enough, the paper towels never come out of the dispenser without ripping, and one of the sinks has a broken soap dispenser.

But today, after waking up to below freezing weather, and facing a plastic, outdoor, non-flushing toilet…I love that work bathroom like it is family. I think I’ll work overtime this week.