My first mother’s day is in the books! I can’t say that I really felt like it was “my day”. After a whole lifetime of celebrating my mom and thinking of mother’s day as “her day”, it is a big leap to suddenly take that day as my own.
I suppose I don’t really feel like a mom. I mean… I feel completely attached to my son, and I feel like he is mine. But other people are moms. They look a certain way, and they’re like a super-breed of humans. I have always just felt like me, and moms were in a different category. They were… “them”.
And I still just feel like me. I’m not a super-breed. I’m Carolyn. But with a baby. I’m not wise enough to be a mom. I’m not confident enough to be a mom. I don’t have the answers a mom has. I’m not a rock. I’m not a comfort. I don’t bake. I’m not a great cook. I don’t write checks. I don’t have the authority to say yes or no. I don’t make the rules.
I’m just Carolyn. But with a baby.
Yet somehow, yesterday was my day too. I am a mom. And Lewis is going to look at me as one of “them”. Amazing, truly.
Yesterday was very lovely. Kyle, Lewis and I had a delicious, relaxing brunch with Kyle’s mother. Then she and I took Lewis for a walk since the weather was perfect. Kyle disappeared off to get me a new TV for mother’s day.
Side story: It was fairly hot the other day. Like 85 degrees. I was breastfeeding Lewis and sweating my face off. We were very uncomfortable. Now, we don’t have AC in our house. Nor do we have insulation. Last summer was miserable. But the problem is compounded by the TV we had in the living room. It put out so much heat that the living room ended up significantly hotter than the other rooms of the house, sometimes even matching the temperature outside. The extra heat source is great in the winter, but in the summer it is a very bad thing. I imagined a summer of breastfeeding Lewis while watching TV, and I wanted to die. If it was that bad at 85 degrees, imagine when we break 100. So we decided to throw money at the problem. Thus, my new TV became my unplanned mother’s day gift. It is an LED TV, and it puts out almost no heat. That should help! Thanks husband!
In the evening we went to the restaurant where my brother is a sous chef. It is a very fancy place, and Kyle and I were nervous to take Lewis. But it went great! I got wine and lobster for dinner (heck yes!), and Lewis was calm and adorable the whole time. Our escape plan never needed to be activated.
Bonus! I had to feed Lewis while we were there, and he needed a diaper change. My first public feeding went smoothly, although I was not pleased that it was in a bathroom. Eating in a bathroom is gross… But we did it! And Lewis’ second public diaper change went significantly better than the first. No wipe-down of the bathroom was necessary. Win!
And to top all of it off, I got about 8 hours of sleep last night. Yes, it was in 3 shifts, and I didn’t get out of bed until 9:45 this morning, but EIGHT HOURS, people! That’s what I’m talking about!