It was Decision Day today. We had our final lactation appointment, and the final call was made.

We’re going to keep going with breastfeeding!!!!

The damage has (so far) not returned, and I feel really good. Over-production is still a rather hilarious problem, but it is a good kind of problem, really. So we will call this battle a victory. I think we can put the struggle behind us.

I can’t tell you how relieved I am. And the lactation consultant was relieved as well. We had both felt so pessimistic after last week’s appointment, but things really turned around. I am so grateful to that woman for not giving up on me and encouraging me to try so many different things. I could never have figured this all out on my own, and I’m so glad I had that resource available to me. 

I’m also very proud that I was able to listen and accept help despite my frustration. At times I felt so discouraged that I wanted to find reasons why the lactation consultant’s suggestions weren’t going to work and just cast them aside. But I resisted my instinct to wallow and throw a pity party, paid attention, and kept trying instead.

And you know what else? Lewis is now 11 lbs 2 oz. He continues to grow and grow and grow. Look at what the two of us are accomplishing together! What a team we make!

My first mother’s day is in the books! I can’t say that I really felt like it was “my day”. After a whole lifetime of celebrating my mom and thinking of mother’s day as “her day”, it is a big leap to suddenly take that day as my own.

I suppose I don’t really feel like a mom. I mean… I feel completely attached to my son, and I feel like he is mine. But other people are moms. They look a certain way, and they’re like a super-breed of humans. I have always just felt like me, and moms were in a different category. They were… “them”.

And I still just feel like me. I’m not a super-breed. I’m Carolyn. But with a baby. I’m not wise enough to be a mom. I’m not confident enough to be a mom. I don’t have the answers a mom has. I’m not a rock. I’m not a comfort. I don’t bake. I’m not a great cook. I don’t write checks. I don’t have the authority to say yes or no. I don’t make the rules.

I’m just Carolyn. But with a baby.

Yet somehow, yesterday was my day too. I am a mom. And Lewis is going to look at me as one of “them”. Amazing, truly.

Yesterday was very lovely. Kyle, Lewis and I had a delicious, relaxing brunch with Kyle’s mother. Then she and I took Lewis for a walk since the weather was perfect. Kyle disappeared off to get me a new TV for mother’s day.

Side story: It was fairly hot the other day. Like 85 degrees. I was breastfeeding Lewis and sweating my face off. We were very uncomfortable. Now, we don’t have AC in our house. Nor do we have insulation. Last summer was miserable. But the problem is compounded by the TV we had in the living room. It put out so much heat that the living room ended up significantly hotter than the other rooms of the house, sometimes even matching the temperature outside. The extra heat source is great in the winter, but in the summer it is a very bad thing. I imagined a summer of breastfeeding Lewis while watching TV, and I wanted to die. If it was that bad at 85 degrees, imagine when we break 100. So we decided to throw money at the problem. Thus, my new TV became my unplanned mother’s day gift. It is an LED TV, and it puts out almost no heat. That should help! Thanks husband!

In the evening we went to the restaurant where my brother is a sous chef. It is a very fancy place, and Kyle and I were nervous to take Lewis. But it went great! I got wine and lobster for dinner (heck yes!), and Lewis was calm and adorable the whole time. Our escape plan never needed to be activated.

Bonus! I had to feed Lewis while we were there, and he needed a diaper change. My first public feeding went smoothly, although I was not pleased that it was in a bathroom. Eating in a bathroom is gross… But we did it! And Lewis’ second public diaper change went significantly better than the first. No wipe-down of the bathroom was necessary. Win!

And to top all of it off, I got about 8 hours of sleep last night. Yes, it was in 3 shifts, and I didn’t get out of bed until 9:45 this morning, but EIGHT HOURS, people! That’s what I’m talking about!