Lewis just ate from my left boob (aka squirt-gun-boob) and didn’t pull off choking one single time. That’s an improvement! Let’s hope it isn’t a fluke. 🙂

The silliness continues. Breastfeeding is the bane of my existence.

I know this type of thing isn’t fun for people to read about, and you’re not really supposed to talk about it as much as I do. Plus Lewis will be embarrassed I wrote about it if he ever reads this when he is older… but I am a new mom, and I have no shame anymore. So here goes.

Lewis’ poos turned frothy today. They look like seafoam in texture. I figured that couldn’t be normal, so I turned to Dr. Google for answers.

Dr. Google said that it could be because Lewis is only getting foremilk due to my oversupply and squirt-gunning. Apparently he is getting so full on the non-fatty foremilk, that he can’t hang out long enough to get the good stuff. So my battle with breastfeeding continues. 

According to the article on oversupply that I linked to above, I should be trying to reduce my supply. To do that, I have to feed only on one breast for an entire feeding and let the other breast remain full to down-trigger my supply. This sounds terribly uncomfortable to me. I foresee a lot of pain in my future.

Additionally, when my breasts squirt during feedings and Lewis comes off sputtering and choking, I have to let them squirt into a towel until they finish before reattaching the baby. Let me tell you – I did that this afternoon, and I soaked an entire towel, my bra, and even managed to soak my chair. 

Lewis came off three separate times due to squirting during that feeding. He was so upset, choking and crying. He seemed so stressed, which made me feel absolutely terrible. My son is coming to me for nourishment and comfort, and all he gets is food that doesn’t make him feel full, a face full of milk, and stress. I feel like a rotten mom, even though it is completely unintentional.

Sometimes I wish that someone would just give me permission to quit. Clearly I’m not capable of giving that free pass to myself – I’m too determined. But I hate breastfeeding, and if someone could convince me that it was okay to give it up, I’d be so relieved. Although that is a tall order… I don’t know that I can be convinced, as determined as I am.