I emailed daycare again today (yes, only once!) to check on my sweet baby.

His teacher replied and said he had taken his bottle, but “did not like it” when the other babies cried. I interpreted that as “he lost his sh*t and screamed when the other babies cried”.

That makes me super sad. I don’t like crying-Lewis.

But I do like eating-Lewis. Keep eating, baby boy. That’s a really good first step towards acclimating.

Lewis’ favorite pre-daycare ritual so far is to barf on both of us right before we need to leave.

I wonder if I’ll ever get to leave for work in the morning in the outfit I wanted to wear, instead of a backup outfit. Haha!

Day one of daycare is in the books. General summary: No one died. Cliff notes below.

Lewis: I checked in with daycare via email once during the day to see how he was holding up (yes, only once!). They said they were pleasantly surprised at how well he was doing, since first days are usually tough. But he did resist the bottle at first, and would only take it while hanging out in a swing. I imagined there was a fair amount of screaming, which made my heart hurt. Especially since he normally doesn’t cry at all during the day when he is home with me. He only usually cries for a few minutes right before bedtime when he is super tired.

When I picked Lewis up from daycare, the story was a bit different. He had only eaten 4 oz all day long, when he should have probably had about 16-20 based on how long he was there. He was starving and very grumpy. My poor baby!!! I guess he screamed the whole day unless he was in the swing. Although I guess he did nap pretty well… but who wouldn’t after screaming their brains out non-stop?

They were heating up another bottle for him when I arrived, so I tried to feed it to him before leaving. He wouldn’t even take it from me. But as soon as we got home, away from all the screaming babies, he chugged 4.5 oz immediately. Faster than I’ve ever seen him eat. And then he fed like normal all evening. But he woke up all night long for more. I guess he needed to make up for the lost calories. We’re tired today. And I did NOT want to leave him there again.

Pumping: I pumped 3 times at work. There are no curtains up in my new solo-office so I was relegated to the conference room each time. It is ice cold in there, so it was a little bit miserable. But at least I had a private space. I am definitely looking forward to when the curtains go up later this month so I can a) be warm and b) work while I pump.

It feels a little silly to drive all the way to work only to spend 60+ minutes a day pumping and not working. Add lunch time on top of that and I feel like I’m hardly at my desk. Thank goodness this is a temporary problem. Come on, curtains!

I was able to pump effectively, although not enough to replace all the milk Lewis should have consumed while we were apart. I’m glad I have a little extra in the freezer to make up the difference when he starts eating like normal at daycare (god, I hope that’s soon). Maybe I’ll start getting out more when I’m more comfortable and in a warmer room. But at least I responded to the pump somewhat, so I don’t think we’re looking at formula supplements anytime soon.

Mommy’s Feelings: I survived. I was completely distracted all day wondering how he was. I didn’t want to take him back there again, but now that we all have made it through one day, I know we can make it through another. Even if he does end up starving. Oh man… my heart is broken.

Schedule Change: My boss said he’s going to discuss my request for a schedule change with some of the other higher-ups and we’ll meet to talk about it later this week. I’m going to hold on to the hope that I may get more time at home with Lewis because I think that will help me feel more positive in these first tough days… but even if they say no, I’m so glad that they at least were open to talking about things. I have a great boss. Really really really I do.

Daddy’s TLC: Kyle checked in on me all day over text messages. And he bought me some takeout sushi for a treat for dinner as a little pick-me-up to look forward to when I got home. He has been so sweet and supportive, listening to me and letting me feel the things I’ve been feeling. He has never made me feel ridiculous for being sad or upset, and I am so grateful. This could have been so much harder if he hadn’t seen my feelings as valid or real. Lewis and I are so lucky we’ve got Kyle.