Hello, size 4 diapers. You are huge, and I love you. I foresee far fewer blowouts in 2016 now that you’ve entered our lives!

My goodness. Lewis is huge.

I had my ultrasound therapy this morning. After that and 5 doses of antibiotics, we seem to be on the road to recovery. The therapist wanted me to come in for ultrasound therapy twice a day for three days. I don’t have time for that, so I’m just crossing fingers for complete recovery with what I’ve done. If not, I’ll go in next week. I won’t die from this in the meantime.

In other news… Lewis is still sleeping like a baby every night. Meaning he wakes up a ton, obviously.

New game – convince mom you’re asleep and then wake up as soon as she is back in bed and stand up in the crib and shriek with delight. Mom will think you’ll fall back asleep soon, but she doesn’t know you’re standing up. So eventually she’ll come in to see why you haven’t shut up, and you can jump up and down and smile because now she knows how good you are at standing up. She probably forgot how you stood up a bunch during the day because adults have bad short term memories just like babies. Very important to remind mom.

Still no relief. Called doctor again, and my favorite nurse offered solutions. I am picking up antibiotics tonight, and going to a “therapeutic ultrasound” in the morning. Between the two things, hopefully I’ll feel better.

Physically, we’re still TBD. But mentally, I’m significantly improved. It really helps to know that I actually get to try to fix the problem.

If I don’t feel better in two days with the meds + the ultrasound, I have to go in for an appointment. Crossing fingers!

Stalemate in the war on the clogged duct.

It still hurts, but I still don’t have a fever, so it doesn’t seem to be progressing.

I cannot figure out how to clear it. I’ve tried everything I know, everything I found on the web, and everything the nurse told me. Very perplexed at this point.

Took warm bath with baby. Showered. Massaged. Now feeding baby and hoping that I’ve done enough to kick this.

The nice nurse I talked to on the phone at the doctor today said to call tomorrow and ask for her, whether I feel better or not. Because she “will be thinking about me”. I love that. She is the same nurse I talked to a few times when I was scared about something with my pregnancy. She is a great lady, and it is lovely when someone cares about you like that. I always feel relieved when she is the one to take my call.

Trying to find new tricks to clear the duct on the internet. La Leche League says I should rest. That I should immediately go to bed and nurse my baby.

If only real life worked like that.

Still no fever. Still no relief. Still nothing the doctor can do.

Just gotta keep trying the same tricks until I either get a fever and can take antibiotics, or until the plugged duct goes away.

Ouch.

Can’t get the plugged duct to clear with my usual tricks. Feeling the early signs of a fever. Waiting on hold to talk to a nurse about what to do.

Woke up with a plugged milk duct at Lewis’ 4:45 feeding (3rd feeding of the night!). Fed him, and it didn’t clear. Feeding him on the same side again now to try to clear it. I hope it does the trick, because I don’t have fond memories of mastitis.

Lots of firsts this weekend!

Lewis’ first Christmas was a success. He is a very enthusiastic gift receiver, cheering and yelling about each and every thing he got. It was rewarding for all gifters, I think. And magical for me and Kyle to experience Christmas in this new way.

Our first house guest slept comfortably in the guest room. I’ve never loved house guests, but in this house I didn’t mind so much. It just feels natural that it is filled up. Plus my dad was a great first guest. He pitched in around the house with things big and small. Like painting the stairwell, dishes, breaking down boxes, and watching Lewis while Kyle and I did other things. What a nice bonus!

As previously noted, our first party at the new house was also lovely. Everyone seemed comfortable in our home, and everyone left with full bellies and smiles on their faces. It was a very satisfying experience.

Lewis continues to sleep poorly, and Kyle and I continue to pull the house together despite the exhaustion. We’re happy at the end of the day. Very happy.

We hosted Christmas eve last night, and it was lovely! Our new house folds people in and feels like it was built for gatherings. I really enjoyed hosting, and that isn’t something I could say of gatherings in any previous homes. It just felt good to fill our house up with people. And the fact that it was family made it that much better.

However, I ended up staying up late because the party kept on going. I’m pleased as punch that people were enjoying themselves enough to want to stay, but I will pay for it for days with lack of sleep.

Lewis woke up less than an hour after I fell asleep. And he has woken up every two hours or less all night after that. It is 5:45 am and I think I’m up for the 4th time. But it might be the 5th.

Lewis does not care that I stayed up late. He has zero sympathy.

Oh well. Maybe I’ll get a nap for Christmas. Wouldn’t that be lovely!

Working from home today, so I have the luxury of laying in bed until I have to log in.

Lewis also thinks this luxury should be fully exploited, so he is sleeping soundly in my bed next to me.

He slept 6.5 hrs, then 2.5, and now he’s been asleep for more than 1.5. It is almost 8 am.

Three most excellent nights of sleep in a row, and mama bear feels totally back to normal.

Normal = only slightly tired and completely happy.

Holy SMOKES! Lewis slept nearly 7 hrs straight!!!! It is 2:30 in the morning, but I could do a jig!

A few weeks ago, Lewis started to reach for me when I went to pick him up.

At first, it didn’t register as a big deal, but it has quickly become one of the most lovely things about this current stage of being a mommy. It is such a small, tender detail of our life. And it makes me feel so connected to my baby boy.

When he was a brand new baby, it was give give give on my part. Slowly he started to react to his surroundings, which was a rewarding change. I felt like I was finally getting something back. And as time goes on, the relationship gets deeper. He is beginning to interact more and more, and each new interaction is “more” for my soul.

More of what? I don’t know. But it is definitely “more” of it.

Lewis woke up twice last night. It was enough of an improvement that my outlook on life isn’t quite as bleak today. But it will take several good nights for a true recovery.

In the meantime, I’m very grateful for any improvement I can get. 🙂

You guys. I made it through today. Sleep deprivation didn’t kill me this time either.

And more importantly, it didn’t kill anyone else either. I felt dangerous behind the wheel of the car. But we’re all good.

One of the teeth is going to poke through over night tonight. I can see it through the thinnest of thin layers of gums. Maybe that means we’re only a few more sleepless nights away from a very toothy grin.

Gosh, I hope so.

When I have a problem, I solve it.

Except that I can’t solve my sleep-deprivation/exhaustion problem. Instead, it keeps getting worse.

It is so bad now, that my whole body is out of whack. I don’t know for sure that it is all related, but this list of ailments keeps growing: I can’t eat, I feel nauseous, I can’t focus my gaze, I keep getting bruises, my breathing is strange, I have cramps in my belly, headaches, can’t kick my cold….

The longer the list gets, the more desperately I’m searching for a solution. But I have very few functioning brain cells to use in the search for a solution. So trying just seems to make me feel even more tired.

It seems that Lewis has his top 4 front teeth coming in simultaneously. He is handling it wonderfully, except that he doesn’t sleep. Even if we give him Tylenol. They better come through fast.

I wish the world cared more about the fact that moms are so tired. As anti-feminist as it sounds… I totally want special treatment. This is not a normal situation, so I feel like I shouldn’t be expected to perform normally. But no one gives a shit. No one can help me, and no one cares. I feel very alone in my misery. And being so tired makes that feeling of isolation quite difficult to handle.

Today was awesome. Despite my cold and Lewis not getting good naps, I’d relive this day.

Santa went great. It is so slick to be able to make an appointment to see him. We only had to wait because we were early. And then at precisely 11:03, as scheduled, they snapped the photo and printed our pictures, and we were on our way. Fantastic.

My mom and little brother joined us, which was pretty special. I don’t get enough time with them. Even if I spent every moment with them, it wouldn’t be enough.

And after getting home, I tidied up, the house cleaners came (hallelujah!), Kyle took stuff to goodwill, and some friends came by with dinner.

Such a good day. Clean, mostly unpacked house, and a full belly and heart. 🙂

Man. Even with tylenol for teething, sleep is really hit or miss lately.

I’ve caught a cold and am in need of a good night of sleep to help me get well. No such luck. Up with Lewis for the 4th time right now.

He’s been quite inconsistent. But at least that means there are some good nights. That’s way better than consistently sleeping poorly!!!

Spotted: top 2 teeth trying to make their way through!

Kiddo didn’t wake up until 7:30 this morning. He must be pooped after days of steroid-induced wakefulness.

We all feel better today, for sure!