I took the day off of work yesterday. It was scheduled, and Lewis went to daycare anyway. I allowed myself absolutely no guilt for that, because I needed the day.
I finished unpacking/organizing our closet, grocery shopped, did dishes, and went to the dentist. I also ate chocolate for lunch and watched a TV show, and that felt really good.
These last few days have been spent doing some serious reflecting on the state of my life. I am so deeply in love with my son, so excited about our new house, and I’m thrilled to have the husband I have (most of the time… haha). I’m so lucky!
But I’m tired. And I’m busier than I can handle. And I don’t like commuting to daycare. And I miss my friends. And I want to have time to exercise. And I am stretched so thin that I don’t get to be the mom I want to be. My head is spinning so much that I don’t get to appreciate all the wonderful things I have as much as I should. There is simply no time to reflect and acknowledge the good, and it can be easy to get bogged down.
This is both the happiest and the most miserable I’ve ever been, and I’d like to scrub some of the misery from the equation.
So I’m working on that. I don’t even have a tiny glimmer of a plan yet, but I’m working on it. I’m talking to people who seem to have experience/wisdom that could help me. I’m talking to my most-of-the-time awesome, all-of-the-time supportive husband/cheerleader. I’m looking into myself to see where my soul leads me. I’m weighing my soul’s voice against life’s practical problems.
There is a solution out there for me. I just don’t know what it is yet. In the meantime, my day off of work was fantastic and much-needed, even if it was spent doing chores and running errands.