In the midst of all the sleep-deprivation, sickness, and eating concerns, I have stopped reporting milestones! Oops!

Recently, as I mentioned in my last post, Lewis started himself on a one-nap-per-day routine. This is both awesome and totally inconvenient. It is awesome because it is predictable and long. It is inconvenient because it is usually from about lunch time to about 3pm – AKA prime errands-running time. And I am stuck in the house. But mostly, it is a positive thing! If only it would work at daycare…

I also posted the video of him clicking his tongue. This is a pretty adorable new skill. And he does it on demand! If you click your tongue at him, he’ll do it back. It almost feels like we’re having our first conversation where he logically responds to something we do. I love it!

I think I also posted a video of him letting go of support with both hands and trying to stand. Amazing. He hasn’t succeeded in staying standing yet, but he is letting go with increasing frequency. And sometimes he even tries to go from sitting straight to standing without support. It always ends in a dramatic *SPLAT!*, but someday he’ll get it!

Lewis’ 4th tooth has finally come through the gums. I think we’re on day 5 of no Tylenol after dealing with teething since Christmas for the two top teeth. Phew!

Lewis has also developed an “attitude” – meaning that if you take away something he likes, prevent him from doing something he would like to be doing, or try to make him do something he doesn’t want to do, he gets angry. It is becoming increasingly difficult to distract him from those feelings, because he remembers long enough now that you can’t fool him. While this has resulted in more meltdowns, it is also a pretty cool milestone. It is a marked change in his mental development, and I find it fascinating to watch him learn and watch his brain wire itself.

I’m looking forward to seeing where his preferences start to fall, and I can also see that this is leading towards a new milestone, where he understands rules and expectations. So I have started saying “no” to him, and redirecting him when he is doing things that he shouldn’t do. Kyle and I are also both praising him for doing appropriate things. I feel like we’re on the cusp of him starting to understand what our reactions mean in regards to how he should behave. Very cool. You can almost see his brain working.

Lewis’ pincer grip is getting better! He has almost fed himself cheerios a couple times. He just hasn’t quite figured out how to let go of the cheerio once it gets to his mouth. Or… well… he does let go, but he misses his mouth. Again, I can see him making the connections each time he tries and fails. It is absolutely fascinating. Watching your baby learn is really very rewarding!

Mama Milestone: I’m 1.5 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight! Woo! A little behind “schedule”, but still pretty darn great!

After Lewis’ epic middle-of-the-night 3+ hour party last night, I have made some plans for trying to change this sleep situation.

While Lewis was partying in his crib and I was hoping with my whole soul that he’d fall asleep instead of jump up and down and yell, I researched. Nothing says “classic parenthood” like googling “why is my 9 month old who used to sleep through the night not sleeping anymore?”

Well, Dr. Google has lots to say about this. The general message I got is that a lot of babies stop sleeping well between 8 and 10 months (hi, that’s Lewis), and it lasts anywhere from 3-6 weeks or more (Lewis is definitely in the “or more” category).

Cool. So this is normal. That helps right off the bat. But what do I DOOOOOO about it?

Well let’s look at the proposed “causes” and “solutions”

• Cause #1: Day sleep is disrupting night sleep. Potentially sleeping too much during the day? Last nap too close to bedtime? Not sleeping enough during the day and getting over-tired? Solution #1: figure out nap time. Make a routine. Why this isn’t our problem: Lewis recently settled into routine of one 2-3 hour nap per day (when he is home. daycare is another story entirely). It ends around 3pm, and he has enough energy to get through to bedtime without meltdowns, but ends up tired by bedtime.
• Cause #2: Your baby is just getting over an illness. Solution #2: Suck it up, mama. This too shall pass. Why I want to give this advice the finger: Lewis is constantly sick. This too shall NOT pass. But I refuse to accept that that means he can’t sleep well. Actual, real solution: Pull Lewis out of daycare. He will not get sick so much.
• Cause #3: Baby is not getting enough nutrition during the day and is hungry. Solution #3: make sure baby eats enough during the day so he’s not waking for calories at night. Why this one makes me angry: Lewis doesn’t get enough calories during the day when he is at daycare. This is a legitimate concern. But he also wakes like a crazy person when he’s been home with me and feeding like a champ (example: last night).
• Cause #3.5: You’ve convinced your baby that nighttime is a time for eating. Solution #3.5: There is no “nutritional need” for a baby this age to eat at night. So stop it. Why Lewis has a nutritional need: HE DOESN’T EAT AT DAYCARE.
• Cause #4: You make it too exciting when you come in at night, so baby wants you to come in so he can play with you. Solution #4: Don’t talk to baby, don’t turn on the lights, don’t change diapers unless absolutely necessary, don’t pick up your baby. Just go in, pat baby’s back, and shush them back to sleep. Why I have mixed feelings about this one: The only one of those things I do is pick Lewis up. And then I rock him and shush him and sing lullabies softly and feed him. I do not make it exciting. I don’t even make eye contact with him, lest that jazz him up too much! So I’m not following this advice to a T, but I’m certainly not showing him that it is play time!
• Cause #5: You have fostered an expectation that you will show up every time your child wakes. He loves you. This makes waking up appealing. Solution #5: Stop going in to your child. Let them fuss and cry. They’ll figure it out. Why I can’t get 100% on board with that: If Lewis is screaming, I will go in to him. Cry-it-out does not work for me. But it isn’t cut and dry… if he isn’t screaming, I can give him some time alone to try to sort through it.
• Cause #6: Babies just wake up at night. They make noise when they do so. You are going in too soon and they probably would have fallen back asleep on their own if you hadn’t jumped the gun. Solution #6: Don’t jump the gun. Let your kid do their normal waking routine, and let them also do their normal fall back asleep routine. They do not need your intervention, even if they’re good at convincing you they do. Why this one seems logical: Duh. I wake up too. And then I fall back asleep. But if something were to interrupt me, I’d have trouble falling back asleep too. Come on, Carolyn. You weren’t smart enough to figure this one out on your own?
• Cause #7: Your baby can’t fall asleep without you. When they wake up, you are their crutch. Solution #7: Never, ever put your baby down asleep. Always put them down drowsy, and let them fall asleep themselves. Why I can’t do this one: Lewis falls asleep nursing. I can’t stop him from doing that. He has his last meal of the day at bedtime, and falls asleep during it.

So there is a bunch of boo-hocky and a handful of useful things I’ve taken away from my research. Here is my plan:

• Reduce nursing at night. He still gets his last meal before bed. And I will feed him up to one more time during the night. I won’t eliminate night feedings entirely at this point, since he doesn’t get enough nutrition during the day when he is at daycare. But reducing them may be a good idea?
• Only go in when he is actually awake. I will stop jumping the gun. If he isn’t screaming, let it go. If he fully wakes up and I can hear him partying, or if he is screaming, go in.
• Pat and shush when he wakes up, instead of picking him up (unless it is a night feed exception).
• Put him down drowsy if he doesn’t fall asleep after his feedings. Then pat and shush. If he does fall asleep and I put him down asleep, feel no guilt. I am a good mom.
• Pull him out of daycare. I can’t actually do this. But I think it would help. He wouldn’t be constantly sick, he wouldn’t be skipping naps and then sleeping on the way home from daycare at 5pm in the car (too close to bed time!), and he’d be getting enough nutrition during the day to actually gain some weight, and hopefully to stop needing to eat at night. Wishful thinking. Will never happen.

So that’s where I’m starting. Hopefully something will work. I can’t be bawling in the middle of the night with my child laughing at my suffering anymore. That’s just ridiculous.

Lewis has been awake for 3 hours. It is 1:20 am. I have had 1 hr of sleep. Have sung you are my sunshine 9 million times. Have “shushed” Lewis 9 billion times. Have had Kyle try. Have fed Lewis.

And now I have been violently sobbing while trying to rock him to sleep after a failed attempt at letting him lay in his crib and “self soothe”. I am aware of the irony in the fact that I am currently bawling while my child literally laughs at me. He thinks this is very funny.

Also, “self soothing” is very fun for Lewis. He loves it. “Self soothing” consists of jumping in his crib, clicking his tongue, a few raspberries, chatting, and other general merriment. Of course, until he doesn’t enjoy it anymore and screams bloody murder.

Tomorrow morning I quit my job. Because I’m too tired to live anymore. I can’t do it. Being a mom is more than enough, thank you very much.