broadcasting worldwide in "carolynese"

So I’ve been a member of my new gym for two days, and I’ve been to the gym twice. Pretty solid record, I think.

I obviously won’t be able to keep my attendance at 100% forever, but I do have a new goal in mind for my body.

I don’t really care how long it takes, but I’d like to get under 160 lbs. I was 165 when I got pregnant, and I feel my best at 150. But I think I’d feel pretty wonderful anywhere in the 150s.

I’m consistently weighing in between 166 and 169 at this point. I’m very happy with the progress I’ve made since the height of my pregnancy (215lbs, people!!!). But let’s keep the progress going! I’ve got less than 10-ish lbs to go before I’m in the 150s. That’s nothing now that I’ve got a gym membership at a gym I can realistically go to regularly.

I haven’t had to be careful so far with what I eat since I’ve been breastfeeding and the weight has been coming off no matter what. But the pounds have been dropping slower, and I think the time has come to be more careful with what I eat.

With both diet and exercise, I’m a little concerned that I won’t have enough net calorie-intake to support my milk supply. But honestly, even if my supply were to drastically decrease…. maybe that’s okay? With Lewis rapidly approaching a year old, I have to be realistic – he isn’t going to breastfeed forever. Eventually he will be getting most of his calories from real food. And “eventually” is actually pretty darn soon. And in order to avoid the pain of going from producing this much milk, to Lewis not needing much milk at all… perhaps a decrease in my milk supply is due?

So I am choosing not to worry about my milk supply anymore. I will do what I need to do to drop the weight I’d like to lose, and my milk will do whatever it needs to do as a result.

This new mindset feels both freeing and a little sad. Motherhood is always a dichotomy, it seems.