WOW! Because we haven’t been up in the middle of the night nursing much lately, my body has drastically decreased its overnight milk production! It is absolutely amazing how fast that happens!

Last night Lewis was up (as you know), so he ate several times. And when I pumped this morning, I got about 4 oz less than I normally do.

So after a week-ish of almost no night eating, my body cut it’s production. I am fascinated. It really just responds to your baby. AMAZING.

We haven’t had a night like that in a while!

But like every other rough night, we survived.

And to survive the day? Caffeine. So much caffeine.

There is a whole lot of coughing going on in our house. All three of us. Not much sleeping happening here.

Someone save me from myself. Target had Easter candy on clearance and now I have a huge bag of Rolos in my desk.

Apparently I left my willpower at home this morning.

om nom nom. Rolos.

Lewis bit a kid at daycare yesterday.

My child bit another child.

I’m mortified.

The cause is either a) teething, or b) frustration about sharing toys.

So daycare has been given instructions today to give him Tylenol immediately if he bites someone again. That should take care of Possible Cause A.

And for Possible Cause B – last night Kyle spent some time in Lewis’ playroom practicing “sharing”. Essentially, Kyle held onto a toy and when Lewis tried to grab it, Kyle didn’t let him have it and talked to him about sharing and how it was “daddy’s turn” to hold the xylophone mallet. Lewis did not try to bite Kyle, so… that was good.

We’re pretty sure Lewis has no comprehension of the intended lesson at this point. But when he is finally old enough to understand sharing, the concept will be familiar because it has always been talked about. Then maybe we won’t have a serial frustration-induced biter.

Worth a shot, anyway.

No matter what – even if he does turn into a serial biter – there will be no biting without consequences in our family!

He slept 10 hours straight. That was a 100% frustration free night. Unbelievable.

I’m so grateful!

Got the child to sleep with relative ease tonight. But I’m now laying in bed listening to him cough once a minute. Poor guy has a minor bug, and I’m just waiting for him to cough himself awake.

We’ve all been there. So if he doesn’t sleep well tonight I’ll certainly understand.

No matter what, I got him to bed in 45 minutes with zero failed transfers. So I’ve got a BIG victory for the night even if he wakes up 100 times.

Last night I did a little experimenting with our current sleep problem (transfer from my arms to the crib) and I enjoyed some relative success.

Instead of taking between 2 and 6 hours to get him in the crib and asleep with countless failed transfers, I managed in 1.5 hours with only 2 failed transfers.

I have incorporated a different hold while I’m rocking him, which involves him being tight against my body in a similar position as I need him to be in when I stand up with him. This hasn’t been necessary in the past, but lately the jostling has bothered him and woken him up. This eliminates some of the jostling, and seems to help a lot.

I also “shush” him veeeeeery quietly when it comes time to stand up. This seems to calm him down when he (inevitably) stirs as I stand up and he seems to be able to sleep through the transfer better.

Lastly, I ditched the sleep sack. Several nights ago, Kyle suggested that the sleep sack might be bothering him, because – generally speaking – he goes down for naps better than bedtime, and he doesn’t wear a sleep sack during naps. I was resistant to giving up the sleep sack because it keeps him warm and is “dangerous” to have blankets in the crib, but a lot of reputable websites say that at 12 months old you can switch to a blanket. I’m still nervous about it, but last night when he was sweating profusely as I rocked him (and screaming), I took it off to cool him down. When he fell asleep, I put a warm, snuggly blanket over him. It seemed to work okay, although he was not under the blanket when I went in when he woke up. So I think if I continue with this strategy, I may do warmer jammies for when he wiggles out from under the blanket. (And I will also ask his doc at his 12 month appointment if she agrees that he can do a blanket now instead of a sleep sack)

Staying asleep once deposited in the crib has been really consistent lately. For the past 5-7 days he’s either gone the WHOLE night, or only woken up once after about 8 hours. This has been a lovely change of pace, and has done wonders for my sanity and overall zest for life.

However, the crib-transfer issues that have taken over are very upsetting, and I find myself frequently losing my patience. I am ashamed of how often I’ve been angry at Lewis, but I know it is a normal part of parenting. All I can do is my best… and I’ve certainly been doing that.

And you know what else? If these last 12 months with Lewis have taught me anything, it’s that absolutely nothing about parenting is permanent. The phases come and go, and I’m sure this one will be no different. (trying to look past the page to look at the whole book here… enjoying mild success)

Lewis now officially has 7 teeth. His 4th top tooth popped through over night, and he has 3 on the bottom. We still suspect a molar starting to sneak up, but we can’t confirm as we see no physical signs other than Lewis chewing on things really far back in his mouth.

I love his toothy grin. I remember feeling a little sad about him getting teeth because I didn’t want to lose the face/smile I knew. But now that the teeth are here, boy is he cute. He has a gap between his front teeth, and it is probably the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.

But I’m biased…. you know, as his mother.

I spent most of the day yesterday mad at him for being a pill, and here I am back at work today missing him and daydreaming about his funny smile. Being a parent is an exercise in extremes!

Some days are hard. Today was extra hard.

But it was also lovely because I have such a wonderful, supportive family. I want to put the tough parts behind me and focus on the lovely parts.

Like my husband who whisked the kiddo away on a drive when he wouldn’t nap.

And my brother who had some very wise words that I’ll never forget.

And my mom who gave suggestions but wasn’t pushy, and also just said it was OK to feel upset.

And my step-dad who is unwavering in his stance about me being a good mom.

And my dad who wasn’t even there but somehow knew he needed to send a sentimental, supportive text out of the blue, completely unprompted.

And my baby, who was the cause of the hard parts, but also some very lovely parts. He ate almost a whole banana today, tried smoked salmon, loved the lamb and the feta tart at dinner, and took so many steps with such joy and pride this evening.

It’s a good life, full of good people. And the hard parts aren’t the whole story. Or as my brother said, “sometimes you can’t see the whole story because you’re staring at one page”. Something to work on.

Bedtime was rough again, and we didn’t quite make it all the way through the night. But 7.5 hrs is fine by me. And I really don’t mind getting up once. So this is still a happy mama. Feeding kiddo now and hoping for a little more sleep afterwards. Wish me luck!

It took nearly 4 hours to get kiddo asleep in his crib last night. He was very sleepy and fell asleep in my arms over and over, but every time I put him down he lost his mind.

But once he was finally down, he slept the whole night. AGAIN! That’s 3 nights in a row! I can’t believe it. It truly doesn’t feel real. As soon as we can figure out the going to sleep part more regularly, we’ll be set! Cuz kiddo has got staying asleep figured out, apparently.

Two nights in a row, y’all.

I am so rested that I woke up at 530 and have just been laying here waiting for kiddo to wake up. This is magical.

LEWIS SLEPT 10.5 HOURS WITHOUT WAKING UP.

And he isn’t even sick.

Do you guys understand how confusing this sleep thing is yet? Doing the exact same thing every day and getting different results each time is not easy to wrap your mind around.

BUT. I am definitely not sad about the results today. My boobs may be killing me and are as big as my head. But I am so rested I can’t even explain how good I feel.

Today, instead of falling back asleep after Lewis woke up at 345am, my brain thought it would be great to stay awake and think about terrorist attacks.

I guess the news of the attacks in Brussels and the fact that I know people who live there (they’re fine) really got to me.

But thinking about dead people and how tragic it is to die violently is not a good way to fall asleep. So I am awake. Still. And I will be very tired today.

Dishwasher unloaded, loaded and run.

Laundry folded and put away.

Prescription picked up.

Cheerios also picked up.

And on top of all that, we both worked all day, and Lewis had a great day at daycare (napped AND took all his bottles!).

Lots of ups and downs lately, but today was definitely an “up”. Feeling accomplished and relaxed.

Other than the constant confusion with Lewis’ inconsistent sleep (last night was pretty good!), life keeps on trucking along without much drama.

This weekend we prioritized doing things, getting out, and being social (mostly with family) over household chores. The result is that I’m not sure where my countertops have gone (are they under the pile of dishes? I’m not convinced), and our clean laundry resides in the hampers, waiting to fuflill its destiny and return to our shelves – hopefully folded – while our dirty laundry lays in piles in various locations throughout the house.

Oh… and the Cheerios kiddo has strewn about are mostly smashed into powder by oblivious parents who forgot to pick them up (and also forgot to look down while walking). Ah… and my prescription did not get called in, so we’re under some pressure to hit the pharmacy today.

But BOY DID WE HAVE FUN THIS WEEKEND! Worth it.

I have no idea what Lewis needs. Clearly it isn’t sleep, because he’s choosing not to do that.

I feel like such a bad mom. I can’t figure him out. Tylenol doesn’t help. Eating doesn’t help. I rock, I bounce, I sing, I jiggle, I shush, I sit still, I hold him upright, I hold him sideways. No matter what I do he is sooooo sad. And awake. What does he need????

Beyond the confusion tonight… How can I get him to sleep every night instead of just sometimes? He’s so inconsistent and unpredictable. It is so hard to know what to do since the issue is different from night to night. And sometimes there is no issue at all. I never know if I’m going to get to sleep or not.

I don’t know what angle to approach this with.

Wonderful visit with my aunt and cousin. We ate lunch together and chatted. Lewis provided the entertainment.

My weekend is made just from seeing them. It doesn’t happen often enough!

Tough night. Woke up with a headache from fatigue. But Kyle and I got up this morning, rubbed the sleep from our eyes, and now we are both showered and fed and dishes are done and house is tidied…. and those things go a long way towards making you feel more human.

Kiddo is going down for his morning nap now. I plan to veg on the couch with the TV remote while he sleeps. That should help charge me enough for the rest of the day.

I’m very excited because my aunt and one of my cousins are in town briefly and they’re coming to have lunch with us and meet Lewis for the first time. This is too good to be tired for!!!!

First stretch: 8 hrs

Second stretch: 3 hrs and counting

I FEEL AMAZING. This is how he used to sleep all the time when he was an itty-bitty guy. I got as much sleep as I needed and more. 10 hrs total for me. Hallelujah and thank you Lewis!

Spring has sprung, and I just googled “can I take zyrtec while breastfeeding”.

Haha looking forward to not having to do those kinds of Google searches anymore.

OH AND P.S. I HIT MY PRE-PREGNANCY WEIGHT THIS MORNING.

I’m half a pound below! BAM!

For the first time this week, I made it to the office. Lewis is in daycare and things are back to normal. This has been a very tough week. Once again, I am sleep-deprived. But we have a ton going on at work today, and I need to be on top of my game.

So I bought a Redbull. And I drank it. AND I AM FIRED UP.

When you don’t really consume a lot of caffeine, a Redbull really does a number on you. I mean… I could probably lift a car over my head right now.

But instead, I have been putting out fires at work. We’re at the tail end of a large project, and one of our vendors did something questionable. I was livid. The issue itself is not their fault, but the way they handled it caused us to call their integrity and ethics into question. I was determined not to handle the situation the same way with our customer.

I rarely yell… but I definitely did today. I am typically a benevolent leader. Not today, sir! Boss-lady Carolyn came out. With my Redbull in my tank, I raised my voice and made my point, and everything is fine now.

Most days I feel like I just don’t care about work anymore. I’m too tired to be passionate, and Lewis is so much more important than anything that happens at work, so all the issues that come up at the office seem small in comparison, and I just don’t get riled up. I just… do my work without much emotion. Well… after this morning, I guess no one can say that I don’t care. Not even me. Redbull awoke the beast.

Phew.