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I’ve decided to cut back my pumping at work. I’ll still pump twice a day, but I’ll only do one breast at a time instead of both.

I’m hoping that this is a first step which works for my body and for Lewis, but I’m feeling pretty anxious about it. I’m trying to figure out what is scaring me about this, but so far I haven’t been able to tap into myself enough to understand it. I’m sure I’ll get there soon.

The only immediate problem I’ll need to solve is how to have enough milk to send with Lewis to daycare if I cut back on pumping. He needs 9 oz of milk at daycare at this point. So what if I only pump out 6 at work, for example? I have a few possibilities:

1. I could thaw 3 oz of milk from the freezer to supplement the 6 oz I’ve pumped during the day. The problem with this is that most of the bags aren’t portioned out in 3 oz servings. The bags usually have enough for an entire day, and once I thaw a bag, it must be used within 24 hours. However, there are a few small portions in there that I could start using up. And anything I freeze from here on out could be portioned in 3oz servings.
2. I could freeze all of what I’ve pumped during the day and pull out a whole bag from the freezer. 6 oz into the freezer, 9 oz out of the freezer. A good way to slowly go through my frozen supply?
3. I could just add some cow’s milk into the pumped breastmilk to fill it out to 9 oz.

I imagine I’ll probably use some kind of hybrid mix of the three options above. What a confusing time for me.

I think I will just have to keep repeating to myself, “The child will be fed no matter what you do”, because that’s both true and important. How I do this is meaningless as long as the child is fed.