Purge

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During Lewis’ nap today, Kyle and I went through some bins of clothes we packed back when I was pregnant and right before we moved. They were things we thought we’d still want someday when a) the weather got warm again, or b) my body “bounced back”.

Well, Kyle kept about half the stuff and realized that after all this time, he didn’t want the rest after all.

And I… well… let’s just say that even after having lost the pregnancy weight  (although I’ve gained a couple pounds back with the reduced breastfeeding), my body is nothing like it used to be. Even my arms are forever changed, thanks to lugging around a 20+ pound kid and a diaper bag everywhere. And let’s not even talk about my thighs and breasts! Phew!

Needless to say, almost everything I packed away from pre-pregnancy had to go. Goodbye size 4 jeans, goodbye short skirts, goodbye medium t-shirts…. just goodbye.

I thought it would be harder than it was. I thought I’d feel terrible about “losing my body”. But it wasn’t that bad! I actually feel better in a way. Sure, I wish I could turn some of those mediums into larges because the clothes were still cute, but I didn’t feel like I was kissing a better version of myself goodbye.

I may not be 100% used to what I see in the mirror. And I definitely don’t always – or even usually – like my body. But I’m so happy with my new life that I can be happy in spite of all that. The size on the tags just isn’t the most important thing anymore.

So my old clothes from my old life got tossed in the bathtub, ready to be bagged up and taken to goodwill. They’re a reminder of a happy time, but also of the fact that I’m even happier now without my tiny clothes and my tiny body. And cleaning out your closet can sometimes feel like you’re cleaning out your soul. Today, that’s exactly how I felt.