Last night Kyle and I attended a birthday party for my mom. It was so fun and special, and the food was delicious. The party spanned Lewis’ bedtime, so we arranged for Kyle’s mother to babysit so that we could enjoy the evening without having to rush home.

Despite our faith in Kyle’s mother as a caregiver, I was plagued by mommy-guilt for leaving, due to Lewis’ physical (breastfeeding) and emotional attachments to me, especially around bedtime. I was pretty nervous. I knew he’d have fun because he loves his Grammy, but I was skeptical about how much he’d eat, and I was dead certain that he would freak out when he realized that I wasn’t going to be putting him to bed and he wouldn’t be getting the boob.

Well, I was worrying for nothing. Miracles occurred at our house last night. Grammy got Lewis to eat more in one sitting than he typically eats in an entire day. He had a pouch of meat-goo (yuck), fistfuls of freeze-dried strawberries, half a greek yogurt, a ton of goldfish crackers, some chicken, some quinoa salad with veggies, and eight ounces of milk.

EIGHT OUNCES!!!!!! This kid, who normally drinks two ounces a sitting if you’re lucky, drank 8 ounces of milk during dinner and leading up to bedtime. Miracle number one.

Miracle number two: Grammy got kiddo to sleep in under 10 minutes, without him crying. She said he whimpered a little when he realized that she was going to be putting him to bed and his mama wasn’t there. But then he just… fell asleep.


Of course, he woke up around 1am and stayed awake for 2 hours. Lucky mama. But I am still over-the-moon thrilled that he did so well without me at bedtime. And his mealtime performance was unmatched!

I’m so grateful that we were able to attend my mom’s party, and I am so relieved to know that leaving Lewis in someone else’s hands at bedtime isn’t automatically a recipe for disaster anymore. That, combined with cutting breastfeeding out of our lives, feels like a bucket of freedom. The physical and emotional ties are not as strong as they were, and the guilt of leaving him with a sitter is evaporating.

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