Kiddo is awake and sad again. Trying a new strategy tonight that seems good so far – Gave him more tylenol and a big cup of milk. He is chugging the milk, and snuggling with the cup when he isn’t drinking. He is so content! Maybe it will translate to falling back asleep quickly.

In an effort to be a little more positive, I’d like to distract myself from the fact that I’m awake by listing some good things that have happened lately:

1. Lewis grew out of some clothes. This hasn’t happened in about 8 months, and it is very exciting! The brand/size he grew out of goes up to 23 lbs. I imagine that means we’re up to 23 lbs. Which would be amazing!

2. I can now sleep on my stomach again. For the first time in nearly 2 years, my favorite sleeping position is comfortable again. No belly or boobs taking it away from me.

3. I got fitted for a new bra by a pro, and I have very happy breasts. I purchased one nice bra, and it has been worth every penny so far.

The Universe has Spoken

Well if last night was a disaster, I don’t have a word to explain what today was.

After losing so much sleep to Lewis’ 4 hour sleep-protest, I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. I missed the appointment to drop off my car for service, and finally got on the road to daycare/work a full hour later than normal.

Once I arrived at daycare, I found out that, in fact, Lewis would not be provided with food in his new classroom. Ok… well… I’ve got a solution for that, I thought. I’ll just go to the store real quick and buy some food, drop it off at school and then go to work.

I tear through the store and… where the heck are the individually packaged milks? Better grab a redbull. God, I’m tired.

When it comes time to pay for Lewis’ food and my redbull (aka the elixir of life), I have no wallet. No sir, my wallet is 30 mins away in the diaper bag at home.

No food for Lewis. No caffeine for mama.

Abort. Abort! Time to call the day off.

I lost it. I cried all the way back to daycare, collected myself, and went in to pick up the kid I had dropped off 30 minutes prior. Now I am more than 90 minutes late to work. And blotchy from crying. And completely embarrassed.

So when Lewis’ teachers ask me why I’m taking him home… I cry some more. Now I’m even more embarrassed.

I cried the entire way home from school. Most of the drive I was on the phone crying to my mother about what a crappy day I was having. She said I couldn’t always be perfect… I said I’d settle for fed and in the proper locations. Wasn’t aiming for perfect…

So I get home, 2 hours after I should have been at work, starving, exhausted and uncaffeinated. And puffy. And did I mention tired? So tired.

And of course the Internet wasn’t working so I couldn’t log in to work. And Lewis pooped twice in the space of 20 minutes and it was time for his nap.

My poor, aching head.

I think I finally got into my remote desktop and started working around lunch time.

The rotten egg on the cake was that I also had to make the decision not to attend my best friend’s bachelorette party due to finances, even though I’m her maid of honor. That was a fun email to write…

But at the end of the day, I did get all my work done. And Kyle came home to work from home in the afternoon because I was in such rough shape. And I eventually stopped crying. And I got some caffeine and ibuprofen, so my headache went away. And I therapy-cleaned the first floor of the house, which was an excellent idea because it is so pretty now.

This parenting gig is hard. Life is hard. Being a grown up is hard. But you know what? If I can ever get Lewis to sleep tonight, and if I can get through the pile of clean laundry on my bed, then I think I’ll be able to go to bed feeling satisfied that the day was salvaged a little bit. But it has been over an hour of rocking the kid already… and he doesn’t seem very tired. So bedtime feels an awful long way away.

I’ve been awake with Lewis for almost 4 hours now. All I can do with my anger is think about all the sleeping people in the world and hate them with a burning fire. Including my husband in the other room.

I don’t care if I know them or not. I don’t care what time zone they’re in. Everyone who is sleeping right now is a real jerk.