Hi. I’m Carolyn. Remember me? I’m Lewis’ mom. You may know about him, since all I do is talk about him and write about him and love on him… but I’m a person too. So… hi!
Between being a mom, maintaining some kind of contact/relationship with my husband, doing dishes/laundry, working full time and preparing for the appraisal for our refinance, I sometimes forget about me, too.
I’ve been putting in an honest effort at remembering myself. And I’d have to sum up my success with one pseudo-word: Meh.
I am craving change in my body. I even put the classes at my gym that I wanted to attend on my calendar last week. There were 4 of them, including reminders. Would you like to guess how many I went to? Correct! Zero.
The excuses are both ridiculous and valid at the same time. Like the day I had to do dishes so we’d have sippy cups to send to school with Lewis the next day, and by the time I was done with that (and dinner!), the class had been over for 30 minutes and it was Lewis’ bedtime.
Or the day when Kyle didn’t make it home from work until about 8pm because there was a sink hole at one of the projects he is working on that literally shut down an entire city block (I mean… you can’t make this sh*% up!). And that meant I was on baby duty.
I have also been dying to work on some quilts that have been in the works forever. Similar excuses. Mostly: baby duty.
My back has also not recovered still. I haven’t even found the time to call anyone to make an appointment to get it checked out. Probably because I’m terrified that then I’ll actually have to find time to go to said appointment. *shudder*
I’d even like to – just once – blow dry and straighten my hair in the morning before work. But that takes like 5 extra minutes. And thinking about doing that makes me laaaaaaugh.
It’s a good thing that my reason for not being able to do all the things I want to do is also my reason for living, for breathing. Each moment I can’t spend doing things for myself is a moment I am spending comforting my teething baby, or laughing with him, or playing a game with him. Even admonishing him for his naughty behavior feels kind of wonderful, because I can see him listening and learning. And I’m so entranced by this tiny person that… wait. Who is Lewis’ mom again? What did she want? I can’t remember. Did you see what Lewis did? Awwww.
But seriously. I have been remembering myself occasionally. Like doing some small exercise routines every 90 minutes at work, eating better, getting myself out of the house with Lewis this weekend while Kyle was away doing other things, and seeing my family. And I cut my toenails, which feels like a huge win (why is that so hard for me to find time to do?!).
So “Meh” is the most accurate summary of my success at maintaining myself. I’d like to shoot higher than that, and I’m going to keep trying. But again… did you see what Lewis just did? AWWWWW!!!!