My child just used his words to tell me he needed a new diaper! A true milestone!
- Lewis: *eyebrows raised* Diaper?
- Me: Did you poop?
- Lewis: Poop!
- Me: OK let’s go change your diaper.
- Lewis: Diaper! OK!
It is meaningful because a) wow! we had a conversation! and b) he has enough body awareness now to realize that he pooped! I suppose this is both the first step towards full sentences and towards potty training. I can almost see him as a fully functioning, grown up human… if I squint.
Got a call from daycare to come pick up sick kiddo while I was in the middle of interviewing a candidate for the open position at our office. Awkwardly ended the interview and dashed off to pick up my sweet angel, who has a 102.3° fever! Looks like I’m snuggling for a living the rest of the day.
I’ve got the fever. The baby fever.
It has gotten so bad that literally everything makes me think about having babies. Like earlier today, I put on a jacket and thought to myself, “I remember when I was pregnant I was too huge to fit in any of my jackets”. And when I went to sushi for lunch, I thought to myself, “I wouldn’t be able to eat this if I was growing a baby”. And when I heard someone say their name at Target, I thought to myself, “how would that name sound with my last name? Could that be the name of our next baby?”
“Our next baby”. Stop it, Carolyn. You’re not even trying to get pregnant. Stop thinking of baby names. And stop fantasizing longingly about the weirdness of pregnancy. And stop staring at your son and wondering what he’d be like as a big brother. And stop calculating when the baby would come if you got pregnant right now. Just stop.
Kyle is going to duct tape my mouth shut pretty soon if I don’t shut up about babies. It’s just that… our original plan for baby-spacing would have put us getting pregnant sometime in the next few months. But due to finances, we decided that we’d have to wait longer than that. But my body doesn’t pay attention to our budget. My body has a mind of its own.
I mean… technically we would be fine financially if a baby popped out 9 months from now. But we’d be better if we wait. Kyle is the voice of reason, which is good. Because there is nothing reasonable about the primal longing I’m experiencing. And the worst part is that every time I snuggle with Lewis, that primal longing gets worse. He feeds the beast with his adorable snuggliness!
I have been stuck in the rocking chair with the kid for quite a while this evening. It has given me lots of time to think, and my mind wandered to what I would change in my life if Kyle and I both got huge sudden raises.
The list isn’t crazy long. But they are things I think would make my life feel fuller, more manageable, and less chaotic.
- Bring back house cleaners (maybe even weekly?!)
- Get a massage once a month.
- Have another baby. (And take more than 6 weeks off…)
- Switch kiddo to a daycare closer to home.
- Have dinners delivered from Farm to Fit (you just heat them up, and they’re healthy!)
- Pay off all debts (not many left!)
- Get some color or highlights in my hair.
- Look into lasik for my vision.
- Buy the pizza and ice cream that looks the yummiest, instead of the pizza and ice cream that is on sale.
Fun to dream. Speaking of dreaming… the kid finally fell asleep. Night night!
We have made some new friends. Their kid is the same age as Lewis – literally 2 days younger.
In addition to them being extremely fun in their own right, their son is adorable and sweet.
We had them over tonight for tamales and margaritas. The boys played and were nuts, and I could not get enough.
The thing that struck me the most was how their child was so much more exuberant and unafraid than Lewis. And through their interactions I watched Lewis become more brave. It is a special thing to watch your child blossom, and I am hyper-aware of how Lewis is influenced by everything he sees. But there is something especially wonderful about watching him with a peer and learning from other children.
He dared to try new things today, and I am so proud.
I was out of town in South Lake Tahoe this past weekend for my friend’s bachelorette party. I was down there from Friday through Monday, and Lewis was home with Kyle. The boys did great together. Lewis ate a ton, and with the exception of the last night, he even slept well for Kyle. Proud mama right here!
I enjoyed most of the trip. We did a lot of fun activities, and getting to know my friend’s other bridesmaids was really fun. But wow, travelling away from kiddo for that long was extremely difficult for me.
I’ve always thought I’d be the kind of mom who could get away and enjoy travelling just as much as I did when I didn’t have kids. That I wouldn’t be so glued to my children that I forgot how to enjoy the things I did before. Well, that’s not the way things worked out. I am so desperately in love with my baby that nothing else is more appealing than being together.
Kyle sent pictures while I was gone, which helped ease the ache a little bit. But the whole weekend I constantly had a nagging feeling that there was somewhere else I’d rather be.
I’m a little disappointed in myself. But I think I’m okay with letting that feeling go, because I just don’t have time or energy to try to be different than who I am. And apparently who I am is someone who would rather wrestle a screaming toddler, build block towers, clean food up off the floor, play with baby toes, tickle bellies, and change poopy diapers than disconnect and relax with some girls in Tahoe.
That said, I’m glad I went. It was important to me to be there for my friend. And I have some good memories to keep with me forever. But I’m home now, and that feels right.
Top canines are through! With almost no fanfare! After the first couple of days, kiddo has slept fine and been in good spirits during the day. Nothing like he was with the molars! If this was how all teeth were, I wouldn’t have anything to complain about! Hooray!
Currently trying to sleep while listening to a coughing baby on the monitor. Reminding myself that a coughing baby is a breathing baby, and that as long as he is coughing, he won’t choke on his phlegm.
And that, my friends, is how I plan to get through the night with (probably) no sleep. A positive attitude about a tiny beating heart. 💙
I forgot to post on the 1st about our anniversary, but we made it three years as married people! Fun to see the changes from last year!
And from the two years prior!
We enjoyed a date night out last night while my heroes, mom and David, babysat the kid. Earlier in the day we went out to Edgefield with some new friends and had a wonderful time watching Lewis and his new buddy play with rocks.
Our actual anniversary was spent eating leftovers and folding laundry. That totally normal day, combined with such an eventful and fun day yesterday, felt like the perfect way to celebrate our marriage. Our day to day normal life is equally as satisfying as our adventure days. Kyle is such a great partner to do life with, and Lewis is a perfect supplement. What a happy life!