Hands

Lewis woke up just as I was going to go to bed. Unfortunately timing, but still better than just after I had gone to bed.

This in itself would make for a pointless entry. But what happened next, I want to remember forever. 

Lewis fell asleep in my arms… while holding my hand. His precious tiny hand wrapped around two of my fingers. And his sweet angelic face, so peaceful and perfect. 

And his tiny body, which shocked me in this moment with how big it seemed. He has grown over a foot since he was born. He seems so gigantic, yet so little.

And I wept. Because I feel like I’m losing him to boyhood, which is devastatingly, painfully wonderful. And because he still fits in my arms and holds my hand, which is so fleeting, but sometimes feels so endless that I forget to marvel. But today, I marveled.

As a mother, I’m a pile of mush. I can’t believe I am doing this, that every day gets to be filled with such crazy, intense emotions that all revolve around this one amazing, tiny person. I could never have guessed that this is what it would feel like.

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