Here is a fun little bump picture of me and the kiddo at 15 weeks. When I was pregnant with Lewis at 15 weeks, I was visiting my best friend Brittany in Austin. This time around, it’s business as usual!

A small observation of my 15 week bump: my belly seemed to pop out almost immediately with this pregnancy, but since the initial “pop”, it kind of hasn’t grown. All my bump pictures look basically the same! So funny how my body is so different this time around.

The itty bitty baby is now 4 whole inches long, which blows my mind. And his/her legs are longer than his/her arms, which feels like a major accomplishment for such a small person. Way to go, baby!

Enough about me and the tiny person inside of me. I want to talk about the tiny person who is already out in this world. He has been doing so many fun/sweet things lately that I never want to forget. So I better write them down!

• When he gives you a kiss on the lips, he wipes your mouth with his hand to get the slobber off.
• He has started to learn the words to a lot of his favorite songs, so he will chime in and sing all the words he knows. This sometimes translates to singing only the first or last word of the whole song. SO CUTE.
• He calls his belly “bunny”. Actually, he calls all bellies “bunny”.
• Speaking of bellies, when he gives kisses to the baby in my “bunny”, he always blows raspberries instead of giving kisses. It is kind of gross and slobbery, but so funny. And I like to imagine the baby freaking out and kicking a ton when he does that, although I don’t really feel anything to confirm that image.
• Every time he hears a car outside that is even a little louder than average, he runs to the back door and yells “Daddy’s home!”
• The other day he ate a tomato. I had cut up a tomato and drizzled it in olive oil, salt, and pepper to eat as a side with some pierogies. I put a few chunks on his plate to see what would happen, and he stabbed them and ate them! Granted, he made some pretty funny faces. But he ate them!
• Speaking of eating, his appetite has been through the roof lately. I’m really looking forward to his 2 year appointment to see how much he has grown with all this fuel he is giving his body!
• Speaking of pierogies… I asked him recently if he wanted some pierogies, and he clearly thought I had asked him if he wanted some “piggies” because he walked over to me, sat down, took off his socks, shoved his feet at me, and said “wee wee wee!!!!” So we sang the “this little pierogi went to market” song and had a good giggle.
• Kyle has started doing bedtime. He thinks it goes better when I don’t even come upstairs with them. So I just sit on the couch sewing and/or watching TV and listen to the screaming coming down the stairwell. The screaming is getting shorter in duration, however. And Kyle is turning into the king of bedtime.
• Lewis has slept through the night a lot lately. The last three nights? Not so much. But the 10 days prior to that? Heck yes! With more sleep, he is full of joy and enthusiasm, and is much more low key. The whole family has been happier lately due to more sleep. Hopefully he strings together a few more good nights, starting tonight.
• Lewis has been taking things apart lately, like a chain of toy train cars, and declaring them “broken”. He does so with much delight, and then puts them back together and says proudly, “I fixed it!”
• I have lost count of how many small sentences he can produce. It is truly astounding how well he can communicate.
• The kid is obsessed with Daniel tiger
• We still cannot see any visual signs of his 2 year molars, despite obvious symptoms such as constant chewing on fingers/toys, night wakings, and verbally telling us his mouth hurts. These suckers are slow movers!
• He loves pears. So, so much. Every time he finishes a serving of pears, he brings you his bowl and says, “more pears please!” This is troublesome only when you run out of pears…
• My very favorite thing is when he sticks his hand under the collar of my shirt and rests his hand on my heart while falling asleep. He has been doing that for ages, but it never stops being special.

Ok I know he is probably just reciting this from memory since we read this book every night before bed. But I still can’t help but swell with pride at his “reading”.

Here is a picture of us at 14 weeks!
The main highlights this week included me coming down with a stuffy nose, the kid sleeping through the night 5 out of 6 nights (SAY WHAT?!), and me turning 30.

THIRTY! Wow! Yesterday was my birthday, and it was easily my best birthday ever.

I got ready for the day and headed out with my mom for shopping, lunch and a surprise prenatal massage! I am now loaded up on maternity clothes and easy-to-slip-on shoes. I am happy to be able to say bye-bye to my old, worn out maternity pants and all my high-heeled shoes now that I have significantly awesome-er replacements.

After a delightful lunch downtown, mom tricked me into “running an errand” to a nearby salon, where she checked us in for massage appointments. I was totally surprised and thrilled and emerged an hour later feeling totally spoiled and relaxed.

Later in the evening we had dinner at our house with family and friends. It was a small get-together with just a handful of my favorite people. I felt like it was proportionate to how I felt about my birthday – big enough to feel celebratory, but not a crazy party. I am happy to be 30, with no crisis or strange feelings about the milestone, but I didn’t feel like it warranted a big hullabaloo. I’m growing a kid and being a mom and I feel like those things are bigger than my birthday, so I didn’t want to blow up the birthday thing too much.

Anyway, the food was fabulous, which I wasn’t surprised by, because my mommy cooked it all and she is the best cook! And the cake was awesome too. Pregnancy made me steer away from anything chocolate, so mom indulged a bit of a different birthday cake request this year and did a white cake with white frosting and lemon filling. The baby wanted it, so the baby got it!

Another fun fact… the baby is apparently the size of a lemon this week. It’s kind of fun to think about the baby’s size matching my cravings!

All-in-all, I’m feeling great even with this silly cold. As far as pregnancy ailments go, I’m feeling pretty lucky, especially considering that a lot of my less pleasant symptoms have continued to wane in the last week.

I have needed to pee far less frequently at night time (0-2 times, instead of 4-5!), and my shoulder and hip hurt a lot less. However, my knee still hurts so bad some days that I can’t even climb the stairs without cringing, but that’s not every day, thank goodness!

I’m getting fewer pimples – not zero pimples, but fewer – and somehow I’m also getting dry skin on my forehead despite no changes to my beauty routine whatsoever. I also have lovely, long, strong fingernails which grow so fast I can hardly keep up. And I’ve enjoyed fewer headaches, although they have yet to disappear entirely. That may be due to the minor cold I have, though. So we’ll see how things go as I feel better.

 

​First thing Lewis said when he woke up this morking (heard over the monitor) was “chocolate milk? Yeeeeaaaaah” and then he started to bark and pant like a dog. Haha!

Happy birthday to me. Fun to start the day with a laugh!

You won’t believe it. I hardly believe it myself…

The kid slept through the night 3 nights in a row!!!

The sleep combined with lovely second trimester feelings make for a very happy, productive, energetic mama.

I don’t trust it to last, but I am savoring these days!

Me: “why are you throwing tantrums all the time today Lewis?”

Lewis: “waaaaaaah!” *kick hit punch*

Me: “this is familiar. Try this teething toy”

Lewis: *stops crying* “gawd. Finally mom.”

Me: *headdesk*

Yesterday I had my 12 week ultrasound. My mom came with me and it was so special and exciting.

Kiddo was super active and wild. His/her hands were in constant motion! Watching the action was a little glimpse into who this tiny person is. It was like we were getting to know him/her!

This window into the action made me feel so connected and even more excited. Knowing a little bit about my new tiny human makes me want to know more!

There I go again trying to fast forward! But the point is, seeing baby yesterday was thrilling and I love him/her already!

Been up since 3am with a sick husband. After nearly 2 hours of pretending I could get back to sleep in our bed because he was “about to settle back down”, I finally decided to go sleep in the other room. 

Of course this was the time Lewis decided to wake up screaming. I thought, “no big deal. I’ll just bring him into bed in the other room with me. Plenty of time for more sleep”.

He did not want to be in there. So after 20 minutes of screaming in my face, I am now camped out in the rocker with the kid, an hour away from when my alarm is going to go off, with no signs of the kid going back to sleep.

So I guess 3am is wakeup call today. Thanks, family. Thanks very much.

I know this is insane and impossible and I am totally imagining it, but I need to write it down as part of the memory-keeping venture. 

For the last couple days I swear I have felt baby kicks. Little bitty baby feeties kicking me waaaay down low.

Like I said. Impossible. Wonder what it actually is?

Voila! Here are baby and me at 13 weeks! We are officially in the 2nd trimester, which feels crazy!!!
My symptoms have continued to ease significantly, which is lovely. I am hardly ever nauseous anymore. The only things that get me are strong, unpleasant smells (didn’t really have this problem with Lewis’ pregnancy!), and brushing my teeth. But even those things aren’t as bad as they had been. Although I did have a particularly rough time at the grocery store over the weekend… my nose was turned up to full-power. I could even smell the corn tortillas through the packaging in the Hispanic foods aisle! Other than that, the belly continues to grow, my steady cravings have been relatively constant (carrots, grape juice, pears), punctuated by random acute cravings that are very fun to satisfy on the fly.

Outside of normal pregnancy symptoms, I have been having strange feelings about this pregnancy lately. I’ve been so excited to look and feel pregnant and enjoy all of the things that go along with pregnancy that I’ve been sort of forgetting to enjoy the parts I’m in. It is kind of a feeling of wanting to “fast forward to the good parts”.

At the same time, Kyle and I believe this will be our last baby. So I am struggling to slow down the “fast forward” feeling so I can savor every moment of my “last time”. I wanted this so bad and now I am rushing, rushing, rushing to get to the next part… but if I fast forward through all of it, it will be over forever, and I will have missed it!

I’m hoping that the arrival of the 2nd trimester and all of the relative physical ease that comes with it will allow me to put things on slo-mo instead, and I can really sink into the moments and take snapshot memories of all of the feelings – physical and emotional – to cherish forever.

Part of doing that, I think, will be allowing myself the best possible foundation for feeling “good”. Especially considering Lewis’ ongoing sleep problems, which just draaaaaaain me and make me want to fast forward at warp speed to get out of this exhaustion. To that end, Kyle’s mother took Lewis for a sleepover on Saturday night so we could get a full night of sleep.

Oh. My. Goodness. That was life-altering.

And you know what? As a surprise, she kept him all day Sunday until dinnertime, so we had a whole day to just be grownups and recharge! It worked. I am in a much better place mentally now than I was before the break. I even kept my cool through two wake-ups last night with the kid because I was just feeling so restored. I think we will take advantage of grandparents willing to do sleepovers before my next desperate mental breakdown instead of after! I feel like I can be a much better mommy for a good stretch now that I had that 24 hour break to reconnect with both my husband and myself.

Final thought: I AM SO EXCITED TO BE IN THE SECOND TRIMESTER!!!!!

Lewis slept almost 9 hours before waking up. 

When he did wake up screaming, kyle went to get him and brought him into our bed where he eventually fell back asleep.

I am now the only one awake, laying here on my back next to my boys, realizing I’m able to feel my uterus in my belly for the first time this pregnancy.

And just like that, I’m better rested, feel like the teamwork is there, feel less frustrated, and feel some big joy about my pregnancy. 💙💚💛💜

Today I am feeling weepy. And not in the fun, ridiculous, pregnancy way that I love so much.

No, today I am feeling pretty defeated by exhaustion and emotions in general. It doesn’t feel very good, but I think it’s okay that I’m having this kind of day. And I think it is important to acknowledge this side of my experience right now. I always worry that people will think I’m an ungrateful whiner when I am not enjoying part of motherhood. But I’m not ungrateful – I’m tired. And that’s not the same thing.

Wanting a break doesn’t mean I don’t love my kid. Bawling through a 4-hour-long wake-up session in the middle of the night doesn’t mean I don’t love being a mom.

I’m just tired. So, so tired.

I shouldn’t have to qualify my misery by reminding myself and the world that I love my child. But here I am, despite my best efforts, trying to minimize my negative feelings by saying, “but guys! I really am happy!”

So I’m going to stop it for a minute. You all know I’m happy. I know I’m happy.

But guys, today I’m not very happy. Today I’m really tired, and I can’t stop crying, even sitting at my desk at work. Today I feel confused about what to do about my child not sleeping at night, and how to get through teething-hell with my sanity in tact. Today I don’t even feel a shred of the joy I normally feel about being pregnant with another baby, because being pregnant is adding to the already crippling exhaustion and inability to keep my emotions under control. Today I don’t know what to do.

What is the answer to helping your child with teething pain when painkillers, orajel, snuggles, and calming sleep tablets do nothing to change the situation? I got less than 4 hours of sleep last night, and my child got less than 7. This isn’t just miserable for me, it is unhealthy for both of us. Night after night of this for such a significant portion of my sweet boy’s life is bad for him, and it makes me a worse mom.

I turn ugly, angry, depressed (especially during the night) when enough of these awful nights get strung together in a row. I’m not the mom I want to be. I think terrible things, I growl and sometimes even yell at my baby. He gets so upset when he sees me crying – I think it scares him. And I just don’t see the solution. I just don’t see it. It has to be there, but I don’t see it.

Kyle is trying to problem solve with me. He tries to be there for me. But when I’m up in the middle of the night, it doesn’t feel like I’m a part of a team. It feels like I’m completely alone in an abyss, and no one is looking into the hole and throwing me a rope.

And that’s how today is. And it’s okay that today is that way. I don’t have to try to put a positive spin on today. Here’s to living in the moments, good and bad. And here’s to hoping there are more good moments on the horizon, and that Kyle and I can figure out this sleep thing so Lewis and I can stop suffering.

If your kid has trouble sleeping while teething, don’t go getting pregnant with another one until the first one has all their teeth. Or you will regret it.

We ordered a tube of orajel for Lewis’s teething problem, and they sent us 6 tubes!!! We are on his last set of teeth… so I think we need to have 10 more kids to go through all of this!!!!

Better to be over prepared, I suppose. Hopefully it makes a difference, because I could use a good night of sleep. 

I made it! We made it! You and me, tiny, lime-sized baby! We got to 12 weeks!

12 weeks is one of my favorite milestones. We’re out of the scariest miscarriage window, which is such a relief. I know, with my nagging fears constantly reminding me, that passing 12 weeks doesn’t guarantee that everything will be OK, but it definitely means that the odds are now in our favor. And that feels great.

Hitting 12 weeks has also meant that my nausea is almost gone. I haven’t worn the sea bands since Friday, and I have only had a few gaggy moments without them. The belly continues to grow, and I continue to pee 4-5 times a night (!!!), but I’m feeling pretty good. And one of my favorite parts of pregnancy has arrived: the “ridiculous, unnecessary crying” phase! YAY! Hilarity ensues!

Yesterday I wept during the performance of “America the Beautiful” at the super bowl, simply because they added the word “sisterhood” (plus they sounded so good). I also cried during an episode of a cooking show because the chef’s daughter came to visit and said she was proud of her mom. Today I cried because a celebrity posted a response to haters for leaving the superbowl early by saying his son wasn’t feeling well, and his family came first (awwwww). Looking forward to many more silly crying events in my future!

One less-fun thing that I’m hoping goes away soon (but it probably won’t) is a problem with my joints. I’ve been having shoulder pain, knee pain and hip pain, all on the right side of my body. I’m pretty sure the shoulder pain is from sleeping on my right side, which I don’t normally do. But stomach sleeping is almost out of the picture now, so I’ve ended up on my side more, and my body isn’t loving that. The knee pain is strange – it only happens when I keep my knees bent for too long. But the hip pain is the worst of the bunch – every time I pivot or rotate on my right leg, I have acute pain in my hip and feel like my leg is going to cease to be attached to my body. I’ve always had bad hips, but this is a new sensation. I’m guessing it is related to the “relaxin” hormone, but it is on the list to check out with the doc next week.

I have been contemplating getting a massage to potentially help with the joint pain, and to definitely help with the tension headache and knots in my back. Not sure where to go, or if I can justify the expense at this juncture… but it is mighty tempting!

Another unexpected pregnancy development is a small aversion. I have stopped having my Coke Zero in the morning. I used to drink one every morning to get some caffeine, because I don’t drink coffee (but I’m so tired). I never made a conscious decision to stop drinking it, so this isn’t a special thing I’m doing “for the baby”… but the baby doesn’t want it, I guess. (S)he would rather have grape juice cut with sparkling water in the mornings. Who am I to argue?!

Now that I’m mostly feeling better and the less-fun things are sporadic and only mildly inconvenient, I’d say we’re safely into the part of pregnancy that I just love. This is the good stuff. The happy parts. The part where I feel so stinking lucky it is terrifying (and wonderful). The part where I’m so happy that even the ailments are amusing. Here we go!

​Today was kind of epic. Why? Many reasons. 

1. I got our taxes done and we are getting back twice as much as we needed. (Hello maternity leave!)
2. I took a mommy break and went fabric shopping for a couple of the baby quilts I have in progress for friends’ babies. I also got myself tacos and a frosty. Because I’m worth it. And, well… the baby wanted them.
3. I didn’t wear the sea bands all day and I didn’t feel sick at all.
4. I didn’t gag while brushing my teeth.
5. We are hosting Lewis’s cousin for a sleepover and we somehow got both of them fed, bathed, in jammies, and asleep without a ton of drama.

I am now putting myself to bed at 8:30 on a Saturday in preparation for Lewis to be up in the middle of the night, me to be up to pee 5 times, and my niece to be up early. Gotta try to sneak in some zzzz’s where I can so tomorrow can be just as kickass as today was.

Also, how cute are the kids?

Lewis volunteered some information for us this morning. He stuck his finger in the back of his mouth and very clearly said, “ouch. Mouth hurts”.

He’s been sleeping better the last few nights with ibuprofen (instead of tylenol), which said to me that I was right when I guessed he was in pain. He is not sick, so the only source of pain I could come up with was teething. I have suspected for weeks, and now it is confirmed.

It is hard to know for sure sometimes, because when you ask him questions he will usually just repeat what you say. But this morning he said that his mouth hurt without anyone asking. Easier to believe that he is genuinely communicating something!

Yesterday when Kyle arrived home from work, he and Lewis spent about 15 minutes throwing a plastic lid around the house and chasing it while laughing maniacally. 

There is nothing better than a house filled with the laughter of the ones you love most. 💙

The kid had his first dentist appointment today! After rescheduling due to snow, we finally made it in.

The goal was not to do a cleaning. For kids this young they just want to peek in to check for major issues and start getting them used to what happens at the dentist so it isn’t scary later.

Lewis sat all by himself in the chair like a big boy, but he wasn’t too interested in opening up. Mostly he just sat there and stared at the dentist and hygienist. But there were no tears and no screaming! They did even get a couple small peeks in there and said everything looks fine.

So I’d call the visit a success! Go Lewis!

Up with kiddo again tonight after a better night last night. Just once so far tonight, and I think he’s on his way back to dreamland after a dose of tylenol. 

But the real win here is that I planned ahead better for this. I wore leggings to sleep and had more layers ready next to my bed just in case Lewis woke up. So I am bundled and finally not cold.

Not being cold while I sit here is helping me stay patient and less angry. I wish I didn’t have to plan to be awake, but since it is a regular occurrence, might as well do some minor planning ahead and avoid freezing to death! If only it hadn’t taken me this long to figure that out!