Yesterday we had our scariest pregnancy scare yet, if it is even possible to rank them.

I went into the office in the afternoon for my meetings, as per the new plan for work. I was contracting, but when am I not… right? So I didn’t really think anything of it. At some point during the afternoon, I mentioned to a colleague that the contractions kind of hurt, but again, I didn’t really think anything of it. I was too busy working to pay it any mind.

Fast forward to 5pm. I should have been home for hours already, but because of a very busy afternoon, I was just leaving the office (oops). As I sat my butt in the car, with nothing to focus on but driving and wherever my mind took me, I started to reflect on how uncomfortable I had really been all afternoon. And as I took stock of what was happening, I realized that I had been having painful contractions every 3-5 minutes all afternoon, along with pressure in my bottom. Yikes! That’s a huge change from the painless contractions I’m used to!

So I called the doctor. But as soon as I described what was happening to the advice nurse, I knew what she was going to tell me to do – go to the hospital, dummy!

There I was, driving down the highway in the pouring rain, panicking trying to get my husband on the phone, get in touch with my mother, and get any willing/available in-law to take Lewis. Did I mention it was rush hour? I have never hated traffic so much.

Anyway, in the end, I did get in touch with my husband, who dutifully packed up a bag for the kid. And I did get in touch with my mom, who dropped everything to meet me at the hospital. And I did get in touch with my sister-in-law, who dealt with my screaming child all evening, got him to sleep, and even decided to empty my dishwasher (say WHAT?! amazing!!!). So Kyle and I got off to the hospital.

Side note – despite my best efforts to play it cool, my eyes were swollen from crying, and sweet, empathetic Lewis noticed. When we were in the car waiting for Kyle to get in and chauffeur us away, Lewis asked me gently from the backseat, “are you okay, mommy?”. I told him I was good, but he saw through it. Pretty sure that’s why he was so sad for Auntie Kim all evening – he was worried. I hear rumors he was hollering for his mama. #hearteyes

Back to the main event – Once at the hospital I was monitored, probed, poked, interviewed, tested, viewed from the inside, measured, etc. and it was determined (after several hours) that I was not in pre-term labor. Hallelujah and thank the Lord!

However, the doctor seemed to think the baby was at -2 station, which (according to my former L&D nurse mother) is lower than a baby “should” be at this gestational age. It is a very likely explanation for why my painless, frequent braxton hicks contractions suddenly turned into painful, frequent braxton hicks contractions. Additionally, the doc mentioned that she thought I was about 50% effaced, which is also unusual for this “early”. But a transvaginal ultrasound showed my cervix length at 4.2, and they were looking for anything above 3.5 to rule out pre-term labor. So the jury is out about if I’m really 50% effaced or not, based upon that ultrasound measurement.

Did I mention that my cervix is completely closed? They could have just told me that and it would have been enough to convince me! That was my favorite bit of news from the whole investigation. If the cervix is closed, that means all these damn contractions aren’t doing anything and they really are braxton hicks, even if they’re getting increasingly uncomfortable.

If the cervix is closed, baby doesn’t have a way out.

And that’s all that matters. I am so uncomfortable, and I have been throwing myself quite a few pity parties, but Baby Girl isn’t on her way out just yet, so I’m good. I’m so good. I’m so grateful. I’d like to be done being scared, yes. But I am so, so grateful.

Even with all this awfulness, I haven’t lost the joy and anticipation of meeting Baby Girl. Sometimes that surprises me, that I am not even a little angry with her for causing me grief and stealing my “normalcy” away. It is embarrassing and almost degrading to suddenly be so incapable of such basic things, and sometimes (often?) I wallow and feel sorry for myself. I even find myself longing for the end of this pregnancy, yes – to end the discomfort – but mostly to meet Baby Girl. Two more months feels like a very, very long time on days like these. But I’m still so happy to be pregnant with a healthy baby and I’ll keep her in there as long as I can.

So what’s the outcome of yesterday’s scare? I’m not going to the office anymore, that’s for sure. My dear, sweet husband would never allow it. And I’m supposed to lay down…even more? I guess? Is that possible? And finally, it sounds like my “new normal” is now replaced by my “new new normal”, which is even more uncomfortable than the original “new normal”.

Only 9.5 more weeks, folks. Yippee.

And how did Lewis fare after all of this? Well, he woke up in the middle of the night screaming for mama. Kyle tried to calm him down, but kiddo ended up in our bed. That brought immediate calm, kiddo went back to sleep, and proceeded to talk in his sleep and keep me up all night (adorable and annoying!). Although the simple fact that he was physically glued to me would have been enough to keep me awake on its own! I do have to admit that it was pretty touching that he needed me so badly, though. He was worried about his mama, and I was so happy to see him, too.

As the cherry on top, for a little chuckle, I’ll leave you with Kyle’s last words before he kissed me goodnight last night – “Quit scaring me!”