There is so much going on right now, that it seems like perhaps a mid-week update is on order. Not necessarily because it is interesting, but because if I write it all out, maybe it will stop swirling in my head so much, getting me all riled up – and dragging me down at the same time. One can always hope, right? It’s going to come off as a bit of a whine-fest, but like I said, I think I need to get this out!
I’d like to start with work. I don’t like to get into too much detail about my work publicly, for obvious reasons, but it is definitely something that is consuming a lot of my thoughts (and time!). So it deserves a mention.
It is already common knowledge that I’m working from home full time until Baby Girl arrives due to my pregnancy ailments. I’m supposed to be able to lay down when I need to rest and, theoretically, that should help keep my symptoms at bay. However, many of our clients have a fiscal year end of June 30th, which means that, even though I am home, there is often no time to lay down and rest. Everyone has urgent needs, and nothing can wait even one single minute. Phew!
On top of that, we just launched a new project management software that I have been working on customizing and getting ready for 8-ish months. Yes, I’ve had help, but I’m the lead on the movement, and it has been a lot of extra work during the customization stage. And now that we’re “live”, it is even more work. I didn’t think that would even be possible, but it is! The whole team is working so, so hard to get used to it, tweak it to work with our real-life work processes (so different than our theoretical processes), and become equally efficient (and eventually – hopefully – more efficient) using this new system than our old system.
Then, of course, I have my upcoming maternity leave. I don’t know how the rest of soon-to-be mamas think, but I definitely feel that it is my responsibility to set my team up for success in my absence through careful planning and communication about duties coverage. In a company as small as ours, redundancy is not the norm, so I’m the only one who knows how to do what I do in a lot of cases.
Time is ticking away, and with all the “scares” we’ve had recently, getting the team ready and trained for me to disappear at a moment’s notice feels extremely urgent. But this kind of planning is difficult to do when resources are limited and the team is already overworked.
And lastly, the cherry on top, I am expected to longer hours all of a sudden (read: overworked). Actually, that’s not fair. I have always been 24/7 on-call for urgent matters. The difference now is that the definition of “urgent” has been changed to be much more broad in an effort to be more attentive to our customers, set ourselves apart with our service, and hopefully close more deals and grow the business. In theory, this is awesome. I’m completely 100% on board. The timing just sucks for me, personally. I don’t have a lot more to give – as a matter of fact, I feel like I have less to give than normal. But I have to somehow dig deep, because I do generally agree with the philosophy behind the new expectations. It is just exhausting. And stressful.
My work isn’t the only thing taxing this family’s mental resources – Kyle’s job is also ramping up! This always happens in the summertime, which is to be expected in the construction industry, but he is also taking on new responsibilities and feeling the pressure of trying to learn the new tasks and perform them at a high level right out of the gate to prove himself. It is easy to see that his thoughts are frequently on work, even when he is “not working”. I can certainly relate!
Of course, for both of us, there is the continued busy-ness of being parents to our sweet Lewis. He’s wonderful, even if he’s still quite clingy, but even an easy 2 year old is a handful!
And then… the contractions. They’re getting worse. Last night, I was awakened by my contractions several times. This has literally never happened to me before! In general, they stop when I lay down, so they’re a non-issue at night time. But last night, they not only continued, but they hurt, so I was awake throughout the night feeling very grumpy indeed.
The good news is that they’re still irregular, and therefore I am unconcerned at the moment that they mean anything different. But my “new normal” keeps changing, and my little brain is having a hard time keeping up! Every time I wrap my mind around the fact that I’m going to feel this way now, something worsens and I have to mentally adjust to that way instead. Between being tired, working too hard, being a mama, trying to stay pregnant, getting ready for baby, making sure meals happen for the family, and worrying about my husband overworking himself, I don’t really have a lot of brain cells left over to keep mentally adjusting to new “new normals”!
So there it is. My brain is on overload! All I want is to lay down, get the nursery ready, and wait for baby. But I’m doing all that other stuff instead. Mama needs a vacation and a margarita!!!
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