Stiiiiillllll pregnant!

Baby

She’s the size of a baby. Not a fruit or vegetable or anything else. She’s a baby now!

We’re “early full term”. So, welcome to the world whenever you feel like it, Baby Sister.

Me

Tired.

Huge.

Thought I was in labor briefly yesterday when my contractions started to become more regular, about 6-7 mins apart. Then they basically stopped. So, not in labor.

Full moon is this evening, so I’ve had a hunch today is the day. I’ve been feeling “off”, and felt compelled to get all the laundry done and dishes put away “just in case”. I even put the hospital bag in my car for my trip to the doctor’s. But I’m probably just wishing today is the day and will remain pregnant for 2 more weeks, because I did not get sent to the hospital from the doctor’s office.

Although they did say they had already sent two other moms to the hospital from the clinic to give birth today! I’m tellin’ ya – FULL MOON!

Oh, the stats – I am 2cm this week, but cervix is still long. Doc said Baby and I are measuring great, and she doesn’t think Baby will be as gigantic as I think she will be. We’ll see who is right on that one! I had high blood pressure when I first arrived, but they took it again at the end and were reassured, as it had gone down. Something to keep an eye on, though.

I ended up summoning my mother to help me tag team the toddler-wrangling this evening due to intensifying contractions and absent energy. What a goddess she is, swooping in to help while Kyle was at a work meeting. I was a mess, and with mom by my side, the kid ended up fed, bathed, and asleep. Hallelujah. 

Side note – Maybe I erased the memory, but I don’t remember feeling this grumpy about “still” being pregnant at this stage with Lewis.

This is my last week of work, regardless of Baby’s arrival. Thank goodness. I’m so tired.

Lewis

He did not sleep well last night. Woke up screaming. I stayed with him for an hour. Kyle stayed with him for an hour. Then we brought him in our room and he was awake for another hour before finally falling back asleep. I dangled off the edge of the bed and couldn’t adjust my position the rest of the night because kiddo was in my space, so I just watched Kyle and Lewis sleep and cried tears of exhaustion/pain. My hips have been killing me all day from not being able to move all night. Plus the contractions. Ouch.

This all followed a weekend where Lewis was a huge pill, not listening, following rules, or eating. Oh. And he fell down the stairs. Twice. Ugh.

Saving grace this morning? When he saw me crying (woops. I couldn’t help it. I was so tired the tears just squirted out), he looked at my tears falling down my cheek and said, “Look! Oh mommy, I’ll get it.” And then he wiped my tears away one by one. “Oh mommy. Look. Another one. It’s okay, I’ll get it” *wipe*

So cute I could die.

All of us

So things are about to change. Big time. I’m still just as excited, but I’m entering into the familiar parenthood territory of feeling polar opposite emotions simultaneously. Now existing next to my excitement is trepidation.

I’m barely coping with our current life just carrying Baby Sister around in my belly. I haven’t been as engaged with Lewis, and I lose my patience quickly. I even fear the moments that I have to be solo with him, because I don’t feel confident I can handle it or give him what he needs/deserves. So how will I be a good mom when Baby Sister is outside and I’m hormonal and so tired?

You always hear so much about moms wondering how they’ll be able to love another child as much as they love their first. I’m not worried about that one little bit. I’m just feeling some concern about my abilities to cope with this unknown “new normal” that is coming at us (any minute!).

But you know what? Going from zero to one was wild too, and I figured out life with Lewis, even though it wasn’t always graceful. Despite my struggles with “momming” during pregnancy, my love for Lewis hasn’t faded at all – I love being a mom so dearly, that I do know on some level that I’ll figure out “momming” for two as well. I imagine it will probably not be graceful either, but I’ll do it just the same.

It’s just emotional and scary to look forward to this new phase and know it will be life-changing, but not really know exactly how it will change our lives, because you can’t really prepare when you don’t know.

So yes, trepidation. Naturally so. But that excitement hasn’t waned. Those two feelings are just coexisting and creating emotional turmoil for now. Truly, though, as weird/scary as it is to face this transition, I could not be happier. Let’s get the show on the road and start the madness!