First day back

I worked today. A full day. At the office. Away from my baby.

Some general high (and low) lights:

  • I didn’t cry. As a matter of fact, my eyes are exceptionally dry! It turns out staring at a computer screen all day for the first time in months is not friendly to the eyes.
  • My brain still works. I was catching errors, advising my “minions” (who still turn to me for help! They still need me!), making decisions, retaining information, remembering processes… go, brain, go!
  • I had no appetite. All day. Could hardly eat. I forced a few things down, but it was rough.
  • Ellen apparently also had a reduced appetite. She drank about 4 oz at school. Meanwhile, her milky mama pumped out 18 oz during the day. I guess that gives you an idea of how much she would normally eat, if we were together. Hopefully tomorrow goes better with the bottles.
  • I enjoyed my kid-free lunch. It was lovely to eat where I wanted, when I wanted, and what I wanted.
  • Ellen didn’t scream and cry all day long, like I feared.
  • I gave myself a headache from being tense all day, worrying and missing my girl.
  • I’m hoping for better sleep tonight to help power me through day 2. Last night was not great, between Ellen waking up, me having trouble sleeping from all the worrying, and a midnight hurricane outside (crazy fall weather!!).
  • I survived. Ellen survived. And we will never have another first day apart again. We did it! That’s one “first” I’m happy to put in the rear view.

Overall, it went way better than I thought, both for myself and, more importantly, for Ellen. My heart still ached to be with her, a true, physical pain. So if I could, I would stay home with her at least until she turns one, but since that is an absolute impossibility, I think this is about as good as I could expect.

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