Oh man. You know how when things are tough and you know they’re temporary, but because you don’t know exactly when they’ll end, they kind of feel like they’ll last forever? The end of pregnancy felt that way. And now? The sleeplessness!

Like anyone, I’m fishing for solutions here. Or at least explanations. Something to grab a hold of so I can get through this fatigue. Ellen is waking up so often that I basically feel like I’m dying.

First explanation: Ellen’s still got her cold. 10 days? 11? I’ve lost count. My sweet angel is in good spirits, as smiley as ever. If you ask her, ain’t nothin’ wrong! But she chokes on her snot in her sleep and wakes up and doesn’t go back to sleep on her own. You’d think after the noises she makes that she’d be upset, but I waltz into her room and she is grinning from ear to ear like, “oh HEEEEEY mom! Good to see ya!”

I finally remembered to take out and clean the humidifier, and I thought that would help. But alas! She still chokes.

Also working against us is Ellen’s newfound skill – TALKING.

Okay, not really talking. She’s not even 4 months old! But she has figured out how to make noise on purpose, and she is damn proud of it. Girlfriend has a lot to say, and she doesn’t care if the sun is up or not. She’s gonna talk! This morning, for example, she woke up at 5:30am, didn’t even want to eat, and just stared at me grinning and chatting. She didn’t stop for the next 2 hours until she finally went back to sleep at 7:30am – just in time to go to daycare and for mommy to start working! PHEW!

Another possible explanation for the sleeplessness is the infamous “4 month sleep regression”. I guess that’s a thing that happens developmentally and kids just sort of get over it eventually. Sounds like hocus pocus to me. But who am I to argue with countless moms and doctors and other various experts? This could be exactly what is ruining sleep in my world right now.

Or. OR!

Maybe Ellen is just turning into her brother. Lewis slept well until about 4 months. And then he slept like CRAP for the next 18 months. He didn’t sleep through the night until he was almost 2 damn years old.

The exhausted grump in me is feeling extremely pessimistic and voting for Ellen being a turd like her brother, which means that I am going to die sometime within the next 18 months from sleep deprivation.

The normal human buried somewhere beneath all the caffeine and eye circles thinks that maybe Grumpy Carolyn is being a bit hasty with her conclusions.

All I know is that I could really use a nap.